Muva Megan thee Stallion once said, “if you’re in love with your body, bitch, take off your clothes.”

And with that, she preached a word. 

It’s a message that I really want feminines to understand. Seriously, when was the last time you looked yourself in the mirror, fully unclothed and loved what you saw no matter, the shape, scar or roll? 

My first positive experiences with my body started when I was with my boyfriend at the time in 2018, but not in the way you’d normally think. It’s not like he complimented my body before making love like in the movies. We were long distance and hadn’t done much, so one day when I was feelin’ pretty bold (and probably horny), I started taking sexy photos to make things more exciting. He was my first love and I was a virgin, so I was curious to try something new and exciting now that I’d had a partner.

I was pretty clueless to a lot of aspects of sex and being sexy, even in my early 20’s. I strongly believe my grandma is asexual, so because of her normal disinterest in sex, she didn’t talk about it, but my way of the birds of the bees was reading The Period Book and being warned not to get pregnant. She was also one of those black grandmas that labeled you as fast depending on what you wore and whether or not you were into boys, and because she’d already branded my sister as such, it pressured me to be the very definition of a good girl.

Don’t get me started on being raised in the church.

And the end, with all these generational traits mixed together, I’d grown up as Tracey from Chewing Gum: Inexperienced, sexually repressed and unbelievably curious.

Now with my ex, he didn’t react to my nude, better yet reply and instead of exiting Stage Right like a bad bitch should, I started feeling bad about myself. I had been much thicker back in middle school when I’d first known him and while I’d lost a ton of weight since, it made remember the names I’d been called, the opinions people had, everything that helped me hate my body. I didn’t think he found me attractive and was too naive to see he wasn’t good for me. I’d went from pant size 14/16 to a 7, and I was still an insecure little girl that lacked confidence + self respect. Even being a feminist with high standards, I still found myself somewhat desperate for love and a man’s attention. But, his actions led to a positive spark. 

When I’d look back in my photo album at the pictures I took or wipe off the mirror after a shower, I admired my body + boldness. Before, I focused so much on the imperfections like my stretch marks and FUPA that I’d cover myself and look away before I could go further. But now I’d become my own hype woman. Remember 2001’s Spider-Man, when Tobey Maguire’s Peter Parker was admiring himself post-spider bite? Like that. New muscles, new vision, hey now…

My curves, my thighs, breasts. It wasn’t a one snap situation, but the more I did it, the more I found something to love despite what I’d disliked. I’d never experienced this side of me before. It was my first taste of body confidence. And I wanted more. If my boyfriend wasn’t gonna hype me up, I sure the fuck would. And while sometimes it seems I had to go through hellfire to get there, it was worth it. The hype I had for myself was way more than I’d ever get from a man.

So do it for you, boo. Your body is beautiful. You should look at it and/ or show it off whenever you’re feeling the urge to do so. But don’t expect it to work well the first, second or third time. Discipline is self love, too. Be consistent. 

So if you need a lil’ help lovin’ on yourself, here are five ways I used sensuality to increase my body confidence: 

MIRROR WERK  

Before and after I broke up with said ex, I started hanging out with the bathroom mirror more and more after showers- and just in general- with or without clothes. And while it sure wasn’t the band-aid, showing and feeling more confident in my body was one of the beginning steps in my self love journey. 

Keep looking at your body, even as the flaws pop out and continue to do so, but fight every flaw with your best and/ favorite parts of your body. Gaze at yourself, even when you’re crying. Go Issa Rae and talk shit out with your Mirror Bitch. Write love notes + affirmations on sticky notes, stick them on your mirror and say them looking at yourself. Caress yourself as you watch. Twerk in the mirror. Slap your own ass. Turn yourself on. Be intimate with yourself in every way. Life is short and you’re too fine.  

ADD SELF CARE DAYS 2 UR ROUTINE

Having at least one day a week where you can rest, replenish your energy and focus solely on your mind, body soul is a MUST in self love. If you can’t do a week, schedule for once a month. One night on the weekend. A few hours. Take a step. Everyone needs a little me time and when you don’t get much of it, it’s easy to get into low vibes and burnout. 

Take yourself out on a date or pamper yourself at home. Make a feelin’ yourself playlist when you wanna sing in the shower or tune into some slow jams with a candle-lit bath when you’re in a sexy mood. Wash your body the way you’d want a partner to. Moisturize with your favorite body oil or lotion. Give yourself a pedicure. Treat yourself in a way that will better yourself in the long run. Do what makes you feel good. 

BUY LINGERIE 

In order to feel good in my body, I chose to wear things that made me feel how I wanted. So when exploring your sensual side, it’s best to wear something that can bring out that siren in you, especially if you’re not normally used to walking around or staring at yourself nude. That’s cool. Maybe you need a lil’ foreplay. Tease yourself a little. 

Buy yourself a lingerie set; go all out with garter, tights + heels or even another pair of sexy lace underwear will do. It’s all about what makes YOU feel sexy, even if that means a dress or baggy sweats + crop top instead. Be sure to document with sexy mirror shots + selfies you can look back on. Unless you’re into thirst traps, then like Marie Antionette once said, “Let them eat cake.”

MOVE UR BODY 

Whether as short as 15 minutes or as long 90, I’d highly recommend a lil’ exercise. Not even to lose weight but to feel good. As much as we hate getting up to exercise, that shit actually works. You don’t have to sweat buckets, but living a sedentary lifestyle is bad for the body. Trust me, I know. If you hate the gym, don’t force yourself go. Take a walk around the neighborhood, ride a bike, dance or do Zumba, play with a hula hoop, do some yoga; wake up your inner playground kid to distract from the workout. I’ve even been pushed to methods like Tai Chi that bring tranquility. No matter what you choose, move your body in gratitude for your body still moving. Cause one day it might not. 

MASTURBATE

When I said turn yourself on, I really meant it. Do like Omarion and “Touch.” Light your candles, put on some R&B music (or rap, rock, whatever’s your thing), read your Zane novel, and have some fun. Singles, be your own partner. Think about the places on your body you liked to be touched. Identify your kinks and weak spots. If you’re boo’d up (and ONLY if you’re boo’d up), perform for your partner. Try a tantric method like looking each other deep in the eyes or a striptease. Indulge your fantasies.

WILD IDEAS TO TRY: 

• Let out your inner supermodel by doing a sexy photoshoot. You can go all out by paying a photographer or friend to shoot in a studio, or with some sheets + your phone on a tripod at home. Seeing yourself as the sexy star you are is sure to boost your confidence.

• Create a Self Care Night and go Beyonce with this list by creating an alter ego to live out a sexy self care fantasy. Take that bath, dress in that lingerie, twerk that ass and then take it to the couch/bed to Netflix + chill.

• Use your sexual energy to create by masturbating on a goal you wish to manifest. You wanna write a book? Touch yourself to it being on the bestseller’s list. But try not to let your fantasy include other specific people, like a crush or ex. Go crazy, but not too crazy, kay?